Echos of Peace
If I had a magic ball that showed me the future and all the hardships of joining the military, would I have gone through with it? The answer is straightforward: No.
That ball would show images of what war would be like—the chaos, the destruction, and the heartbreak. It would reveal what happens when you return from war with PTSD and TBIs, the lingering effects of exposure to hazardous environments, the sickness, and the disease. It would show the faces of those who stood to my left and right, now no longer here.
Without the mystery of what lay ahead, I wouldn't have embarked on the path that shaped me today, to sit here and write this essay. It's the unknown that drives us, challenges us, and ultimately defines who we become. The foresight of all those hardships would have deterred me, but facing them without knowing has made me the man I am.
I felt inclined to write about how I felt on this Memorial Day. My muse, my spirit guide, and God asked me to share my heart with the world. If God did not create a meaningless world, what did he create? He created an inner world of peace for the human experience, or as some would say this earthly reality.
A few years back, while attending a family Memorial Day BBQ, a group of gentlemen who carried no blood stains on their souls came to thank me for my service. These men, like many others, had spent their lives chasing financial freedom and their actions showed me, they had no clue about the differences between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.
I was on the verge of exploding like a 500-pound homemade bomb found on the battlefield. I lost control as tears slowly flooded my eyes and poured over onto my cheeks. I asked them not to thank me for my service, but to hear me out. I shared stories of warfighters who kept me alive and helped bring me home, as I did for them, but how I failed to keep them alive back home. My time downrange was intense and filled with rage. For the longest time, I felt cursed by the Taliban, as if they put a spell of self-destruction on us, leaving us for dead in our homeland months and years after we returned.
These men thanked me for my service on a day that triggered a feeling of guilt and shame in myself, an embarrassment. Reminding me that if I had conformed to the egoic mind and curse, I would also no longer be here after returning from war due to the self-destruction caused by my mind, heart, spirit, and soul.
Memorial Day is a day to remember the dangers faced by those who walked that line of life and death and are no longer with us. Memorial Day is to share stories and love for those specific individuals who used to be to the left and right of us but are no longer with us anymore.
They now live inside our hearts, helping us find a life of peace. The loss of these individuals fuels us today to keep living this human experience to the fullest, seeking internal peace. Memorial Day is not only a reminder of those who lost their lives on the battlefield but also a reminder of the repercussions that come from making it out of a war zone alive, the unknown ticking bomb inside of them. My reality was different from others. I didn’t lose warriors on the battlefield, but I have lost them since we returned home to suicide and disease.
As we move through this Memorial Day, if you fought for this country and lost someone, make sure to dance and laugh for those who are no longer with us. If you are a mother, father, widow, or child of someone who is no longer here, as they gave their spirit and soul to a greater purpose, I pray you to find inner peace and love for yourself as you move through this time of grief and sorrow with grace. You are not alone. It is not about thanking the living for their service but remembering those who are no longer to our left and right. I pray that those grieving today find light inside the darkness, and the courage to keep living, sharing stories of their loved ones, and keep fighting for peace for those who are no longer with us.
