For Those Who Are Always Beside Us
In the reconnaissance community, there is a sense of pride and ownership that's buried deep into your heart as we earn the title Recon Marine. And when we separate from the community, one feeling that many of us tend to lose touch of is that sense of pride. The reconnaissance community stands on top of the shoulder of giants and are some of the deadliest warriors to walk the world around us today.
For a while, after I left the military, I found myself lost and forgetting the words of recon creed that I had been binned to for many years. There is a power of faith in those words that ran deep inside every Recon Marine. A type of faith that was developed by our own actions as we took steps to become a Recon Marine.
I have lost a handful of brothers throughout my time in the military and after as well. Just as we all have during these two to three decades of war that our country's been battling. The past six years have been a whirlwind of experiences, from super dark ones to some of the brightest ones I won't ever forget. Yet, for the longest time, the darker experiences seemed to desensitize life around me.
In November, I had a fellow recon brother reach out requesting assistance to prep for The Best Ranger Competition in 2021. Josh and I knew each other through another recon brother I had been working with for a few years. He ran the recon challenge with Gabe in 2019, and they've worked together throughout each other's military careers. Gabe is a mutant with an impressive resume of accomplishments in his career thus far as a Recon Marine. I had known both of these warriors, but I didn't realize how deep-rooted that reconnaissance creed was for Gabe and Josh. Carrying that shield with honor, they both used it in times of pain, misery, and suffering.
Gabe was going to be running the Recon Challenge with a fellow veteran recon marine named Scott Gardner. Scott had been out now for some time but was still connected within the community. Scott was the oldest (I mean wisest), Recon Marine, to complete the Recon Challenge in 2021 with Gabe. Scott changed his lifestyle to train for this event. As he also understood that being a Recon Marine, you accept all challenges involved with this profession.
Having Gabe run with Scott left Josh solo, and unsure if he would run the Recon Challenge. But, running it was not about the competition itself. It had everything to do with being around his fellow recon brothers and honoring his fallen brothers. Once Josh found out that Gabe was running with Scott, he reached out to fellow recon brothers; yet, everyone he contacted couldn't make it.
About 5 weeks out from the event, Josh calls asking if I could run the challenge. I think it went something like this: "Hey bro, you want to run the challenge?" My first response was, "I am can’t. They aren't letting civilians run." He goes, "Nope, they just got the wavier signed, and they are letting prior 0321s run it." At first, my heart started to race… palms started to tap the desk. I had no way of saying, let me think about it or saying, "no, I can't make it." My response was, "I haven't touched a ruck in forever, and it is in less than 5 weeks." Josh's response was simple and packed a powerful punch: "You're a recon marine. You can do anything."
I had only run a total of 20 miles in March and very few in the months prior to that. Yet, I had been staying active with strength training 2-3 times a week, swimming, hiking, biking, and easy jogs. Once I found out that I was cleared to compete, training went from coasting to dropping the hammer the first week. I knew that I had to get my body use to moving with a heavy load for more than 8+ hours. I ran it back in 2012-13, and my partner and I pushed for a good 11 hours, ultimately taking 5th that year. I hadn't touched such skills that I had once known as the back of my hand in years. But, I knew that exceeding beyond limits set down by others would be my goal.
It dawned on me that this was not unique in our community. Josh assigned me a task, a mission, or whatever we want to call it. I knew deep in my heart that this is what I wanted to be doing. I needed something to fuel the fire deep inside my soul, pushing me out of my current comfort zone. In reality, it was precisely what I needed. The flow of everything became fluid with the ups and downs of life. It was beautiful and all worth it deep down in my heart. I found a place within my soul that had not been explored in some years. Leaving the military, I hadn't felt the same as I had in the past. I take accountability for my clouded view of my experiences as a Recon Marine. I stepped away from a community that kept me alive, enabling the best version of myself. I turned away from a place that provided blood to my heart.
The energy during the week of the challenge was quite mellow for Josh and me. He was still recovering mentally from the best ranger challenge, where he took 2nd with his partner. We both were unsure how we would respond on the day of the event. We both agreed that this wasn't about our placing. This was about our fallen brothers, and we would finish the event no matter what. Carrying our fellow recon brother’s dog tag meant that there was no such thing as failure. Failure was not an option for us. This would stand true even if that meant we came in dead last. Our motivation was not to place in the top three. Our inspiration was different. My motivation and inspiration went deeper than wearing a ruck and running through the mountains of Camp Pendleton again. No, this was a rebirth for me. I have had a rough time to this point in my transition from active duty to the civilian world.
Everything hit me at once as I was finning. The morning was one of a kind, and words won’t do it justice. The energy that came from the sunrise was uplifting and gave me tremendous respect for my life at that moment. The sky had these layers of oranges, yellows, and reds. It gave the mountains a contrast of darkness. The brightness of these colors outlines the mountain range I was about to run through. Within the first 3 miles of the event, I looked over to Josh and said, "What I am about to say will get deep fast," and then I followed it up with, "I am thrilled that I never put that bullet in my head man." He was a bit shocked I went that route. He followed it up with, "That went deep fast, brother." At that moment, he looked over to me and said, "to get rid of pain, you must put yourself in pain."
As time went by, we had been working all day, staying on top of nutrition and hydration, ultimately managing the heat of the day. The goal was to have the energy on the back end to finish strong. We knew that everyone would come out hot on the front end, and once those back end miles hit, things would start to slow down for many teams. We broke the race down into 3 parts: composed, consistent, compete. Josh and I held each other accountable for these phases of the race. He kept to his words as I kept to mine.
Our efforts of finishing 3rd place were not because we were fit individuals. It was far deeper than that. Our efforts were for those who are no longer with us, remembering that being a recon marine is not only a profession but rather a lifestyle.
Never above you.
Never below you.
Always beside you.
