Just Exist
Lately, writing has opened the door to the truths of my mind or at least that is what my mind tells me. This idea of free-flow writing holds no word count no set durations.
Today something came to light within the white space between my thoughts. I guess it's a continuous effort from other parts of my life. It’s a time for reflection, overcoming the past, to enjoy the present and to dream about the future only feeding the mind and heart what it wants.
I got asked today what am I doing for training at the moment? Interestingly enough, I had to ask myself a similar question weeks before. The past few months have been quite different from previous years of training.
Training in the past had been to meet the demands of my job as a tactical professional, wreckless Crossfit athlete, decent weightlifter, and gritty ultra runner. Now, I sit here exploring how each of those periods allowed me to feel in that moment.
In a conversation during a symposium held by Non-Prophet, I had been told, "I was an addict to war." The statement isn't incorrect I was addicted to the high that I was in most times. It seemed like a deadly dose of stress at first, until it wasn’t anymore.
I wasn't addicted to killing bad guys. No! It went deeper than just that. It became a biological and psychological adaption within me that slowly changed how I viewed the world due to the extreme intensity of war. It ultimately took over the functions of my brain and body to operate in such environments crawling through the inner linings of my skin.
Over the years, I have had to work in finding new ways to feel as physical fitness was effective anymore. Picking up a camera again allowed me to look at the world differently by bringing forth memories of past lives that flow through my stream of consciousness.
Selflessness from being a father and husband added to these new ways of feeling. Not done alone but done in solitude attached to companionship. As I continue building new ways to feel writing became a part of my self-creative behaviors I have found to help feed my addiction.
Writing has become the chisel for refinement to my life, thoughts, and actions. Applying a finesse that carries over into life gave me the appreciation and respect for the skillsets I carry.
So what is it I am doing for training? Simple! I am using my time to train as a way to explore and think. See, training will always be a tool or skill to keep me moving forward.
Training over time became less effective. I had to push my body to extremes much like many things lacking variability watering down the potency. I concluded that I could feel in many other ways by recalibrating my sensitivity to the world around me.
Writing was one of those actions to help with the process and it has not been an easy task. Simple, yes, but it comes with its challenges. I found how much truth lies within the space between my thoughts—taking them and forming words that flow into art shared in this physical realm of life.
I use training as a means to rehydrate the self-creative behaviors these days revitalizing my brain and heart which promotes new questions. In turn, such approach leads to answers. From these answers grows more questions showing that the cycle never ends. Feeling the world around me is my will to live improving my ability to withstand life.
I wouldn't have come to this equation if it hadn't been for writing and summation of experience to this point in my life. The words I share on this digital screen offers me more questions. Are these the truths in which I believe?
