My Art Gallery
Life is never what it truly pretends to be, much like this moment, unsure of the words to write for an act in a screenplay that won’t show me an end yet. I find myself taking a knee in this heart of mine, turning my head and soaking in the beautiful artwork of my life, core memories painted, written, photographed on these walls I cherish so deeply.
For the longest time, I thought my heart was at capacity, at least that was what I felt in my mind, till I found space along the walls of my heart chambers, giving me a canvas of possibilities. A blank space leaving me to grow and feel similar to the digital page I find myself typing onto with little intensity, lacking the volume to share what’s in my heart.
Over the years, sensitivity to my internal environment was non-existent, once a tool that kept me alive and almost killed me. It started with a single domain thought process of ego. The mind left me for dead and unable to channel my power from the depthlessness of my heart to the undeniable realm of possibilities beyond the infinity of my mind.
Finding an out from my ego came with many field days, removing clutter, granting access to my intuition and spirit, which brought me to my heart and soul. Recalibration was vital. It took listening to my spirit, acting from the soul, and staying one Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu move ahead of my mind giving me the energy to feel the world within me.
Removing a tool that no longer supports a life I live and spinning the bottle of hope no longer feeds me, only taking my heart away from the present, lowers my ability to feel my soul and spirit. Leaving me as the skipper in my boat team breaking through the surf of life. Raising this new paintbrush to these heart walls with energy to fill this endless canvas of possibilities adding to the art gallery within my soul.
How Does the Octopus Blend Into Their Environment? Part 1
With the influx of coaches transitioning into the tactical world, many are finding roadblocks integrating into their units or training cells. What roadblocks would that be? The tactical professional is not impressed by accolades, but by ownership, the ability to be an asset, and leading by example. Can you enter that burning fire with flames roaring over your head trying to pull a person out? Can you perform life-saving skills under gunfire or wrestle someone to the ground and apprehend them while staying inside those left and lateral limits of your rules of engagement? Can you strap on that 80-pound ruck, patrol for hours under night vision goggles, and be ready to fight the enemy at any given moment? Can you jump out of that cop car and go directly into a foot chase, unsure of how long it will be? All these questions lead to one truth: Are you capable? A question each of us needs to ask ourselves as humans outside of any occupation, tactical professional, or the general population. In this world, you are either the asset or the liability.
With my time on this earth, I have spent many hours freediving the oceans of strength and conditioning and the tactical community, moving through the contrasting kelp beds of knowledge. I’ve been collecting all the information possible under numerous breath holds. I learned I had to become an octopus, blend into my environment, and survive within an ecosystem that I knew nothing about. I had to listen and observe for hours, days, months, years, and it still remains an ongoing process. I found an intersecting point for the two realms through the exposure of listening, digesting, and asking questions of prior pro and college coaches. Theme same individuals found themselves stepping foot after foot up a rocky and challenging mountain, earning the respect of the tactical professionals they work with today.
Why is that? These coaches put themselves in positions to slowly adapt to their ecosystems. Yes, creating a buy-in, trust, and communication all matters, but verbal language is not our first language. It is action, the language of a Tactical Professional. From underwater crossovers repeats with students at Air Force Special Warfare School, feeling the hypoxia kick in from the decrease of oxygen and increase of CO2 to completing a 12-mile ruck under 3 hours @ 50lbs in 90-degree weather, or noticing the hot spots on your feet and pain in the shoulders from the straps ripping into them from the weight of the ruck... these are all examples. And ride alongs with fire, police, and rescue… the list can go on, but to be a coach in the field of tactical strength and conditioning, you are the artist and must paint a picture of requirements the tactical professional needs and wants as you prepare them for the rigors of the job both physically and mentally.
Throw back to 2008-09 in Bridgeport conducting mountain commutation operations. Matt, Travis, and I built this shelter protecting us that evening from Mother Nature’s elements.
Training the Tactical Professional incorporating the Humanistic Approach- Introduction Pt. 3
During a shooting package in 2007-08 before deploying to Iraq.
Part 1 and 2 expressed a few different thoughts on the humanistic approach for the tactical professional, stating the importance of developing the human. With a decade of growth, the field of tactical strength and conditioning has turned into stuffing physical fitness down the throats of individuals, turning them away from the idea of health and wellness - caused by the amount of information being shared much like this essay - leaving much more confused.
Using my transition from the operational space towards the performance realm, allowed me to see the operative arena from 30,000ft heighten the awareness, showing what is missing: the skillset to sleep correctly, effectively feeding ourselves to get the utmost of our mind and body, sustain and fine-tuning heart health, nervous system counterpoise, effectuating psychological state to handle the rigors of life, lastly, transitioning between the human and profession on regular basis.
The prevalence of burnout and amplified risk of death does not disappear once the jersey is removed, resulting in unhealthy after-actions later in life. The increase of infield accessibility to technology and data tracking; gives individuals working in the area an insight into how the body and mind perceive two types of stress loads: physical and psychological, creating stressors that vary in volume and intensity and are not always tactable. (1)
Up to this point, I have used a considerable number of words in this series for these purposes: laying the groundwork, drawing connections, and painting an understanding of the humanistic perspective. With the humanistic approach, we give power back to cleverness, curiosity, free will, motivational drive, and passion for changing our human behavior, balancing a state of wonder and rigor throughout our careers.
Dive into these different spheres; learn as much about them. Improve the quality of life by weaponizing learning and creativity; distinguish changed behaviors inflating these spheres restoring resources for the human and professional.
Remember, the profession is a small part of life, leaving these spheres extinguished - fictitious for many. Human capabilities need an upgrade; a wider aperture for these spheres to restore; an increased depth of field to balance the human being.
(1) Prevalence of professional burnout among military mental health service providers. (2015, November 16). Psychiatric Services. https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ps.201400430
Training the Tactical Professional incorporating the Humanistic Approach- Introduction Pt. 2
Photo taken during 2008 in Mosul, Iraq.
The humanistic perspective has not always aligned with mainstream psychology and for a long time before the 1970s. A small batch of individuals changed their outlook within the human’s state of mind and personality throughout the 1970s and up to the 1980s, removing themselves out of a constrained thought process in psychology (1).
Adjusting to a new observation point of the tactical professional from a humanistic, humanism, and humanist perspective widens the left and right lateral limits for coaches and practitioners and those living this high-energy lifestyle. Engulfed with studying the development of the psyche at best, broadens the range of ideas and ways to bridge the past, present, and future gaps in human behavior and performance inside the tactical community.
The individuals working in this field tend to tread towards sickness and diseases faster due to residual fatigue and a consistent high baseline of stress. This causes a drop in both the physiological and psychological systems’ ability to tolerate life, producing an insufficient balance of the human being.
Using the humanistic perspective creates a thought process that not many have traveled to or explored—creating more robust tools to foster a healthier relationship with themselves instinctually. Motivating that person to change behaviors gradually improves the ability to recover effectively, navigate hardships better, and decreases self-induced sickness and diseases. Slowly but surely, feeling the slightest change in the wholeness and uniqueness of the human gives them the power to become better assets inside and outside their profession.
(1) Mcleod, S. (n.d.). Humanistic approach. Study Guides for Psychology Students - Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/humanistic.html
Training the Tactical Professional incorporating the Humanistic Approach- Introduction
Photo taken by the Men of 1st Recon Bn. Charlie Co 3rd Platoon; June 2010 in Trek Nawa, Afghanistan.
The tactical strength and conditioning dimension is increasing with no evidence of slowing down any time soon. The tactical professional chose a profession knowing the risk that comes over the career. Over the years, coaches and practitioners have found many different ways to build a tactical professional from the ground up.
The lens slowly changes today from how strong, and big one can get or how far and fast the individual can run to a more humanistic perspective. Every tactical professional is unique with similar ambitions. Each human biological system drifts by 1 degree of separation based on gender, age, environmental factors, internal and external. The drift of degrees turns out to be the personality driving us to build our human needs from the ground up differently amongst the world we live in.
Early in training the tactical professional, many methods and principles grew in one direction to improve physical performance lacking variability in basic human foundations. These foundations include sleep, nutrition, heart health, nervous system management, and managing occupational stress. Furthermore, the transition between one dimension (the tactical profession) to another dimension (the human).
Looking at the tactical professional as a human first increases their ingenuity to healthy human values, creativity, and pursuit of innate human behavior. A striking trait all tactical professionals repeatedly show how creative and adaptable they can be when left to their own devices. Avoiding the human during this profession leaves many drowning from a lack of human capacity to handle the profession's hardship. Ultimately, this leaves the tactical professional depleted and unwilling to endure their hardships outside the tactical space, causing the human breakdown.
Just Exist
Lately, writing has opened the door to the truths of my mind or at least that is what my mind tells me. This idea of free-flow writing holds no word count no set durations.
Today something came to light within the white space between my thoughts. I guess it's a continuous effort from other parts of my life. It’s a time for reflection, overcoming the past, to enjoy the present and to dream about the future only feeding the mind and heart what it wants.
I got asked today what am I doing for training at the moment? Interestingly enough, I had to ask myself a similar question weeks before. The past few months have been quite different from previous years of training.
Training in the past had been to meet the demands of my job as a tactical professional, wreckless Crossfit athlete, decent weightlifter, and gritty ultra runner. Now, I sit here exploring how each of those periods allowed me to feel in that moment.
In a conversation during a symposium held by Non-Prophet, I had been told, "I was an addict to war." The statement isn't incorrect I was addicted to the high that I was in most times. It seemed like a deadly dose of stress at first, until it wasn’t anymore.
I wasn't addicted to killing bad guys. No! It went deeper than just that. It became a biological and psychological adaption within me that slowly changed how I viewed the world due to the extreme intensity of war. It ultimately took over the functions of my brain and body to operate in such environments crawling through the inner linings of my skin.
Over the years, I have had to work in finding new ways to feel as physical fitness was effective anymore. Picking up a camera again allowed me to look at the world differently by bringing forth memories of past lives that flow through my stream of consciousness.
Selflessness from being a father and husband added to these new ways of feeling. Not done alone but done in solitude attached to companionship. As I continue building new ways to feel writing became a part of my self-creative behaviors I have found to help feed my addiction.
Writing has become the chisel for refinement to my life, thoughts, and actions. Applying a finesse that carries over into life gave me the appreciation and respect for the skillsets I carry.
So what is it I am doing for training? Simple! I am using my time to train as a way to explore and think. See, training will always be a tool or skill to keep me moving forward.
Training over time became less effective. I had to push my body to extremes much like many things lacking variability watering down the potency. I concluded that I could feel in many other ways by recalibrating my sensitivity to the world around me.
Writing was one of those actions to help with the process and it has not been an easy task. Simple, yes, but it comes with its challenges. I found how much truth lies within the space between my thoughts—taking them and forming words that flow into art shared in this physical realm of life.
I use training as a means to rehydrate the self-creative behaviors these days revitalizing my brain and heart which promotes new questions. In turn, such approach leads to answers. From these answers grows more questions showing that the cycle never ends. Feeling the world around me is my will to live improving my ability to withstand life.
I wouldn't have come to this equation if it hadn't been for writing and summation of experience to this point in my life. The words I share on this digital screen offers me more questions. Are these the truths in which I believe?
Professionalism is all Heart
In a past life, professionalism was hammered into me. It was how recon marines stayed alive and got missions. I learned right away professionalism is natural but also unnatural in its own way. After joining the military in 2007 and being assigned to 1st Recon Bn, I was essentially raised by men who had experienced war since 2001. These warriors had seen the worst of what war had to offer at that time. The war would only peak again in the coming years.
These men carried themselves with confidence by standing tall, shoulders pulled back, and uniforms pressed. Jump wings and dive bubbles were aligned properly above their nametape with the team they fought for, "U.S. Marines." They carried a warriors mentality and only understood what war was, nothing else. It was a mentality bred into every individual to the left and right of me. A small percentage of men carrying such experiences throughout history.
These men knew they were recon marines. Yet, had their whits about them when it came to their history. Their foundations were built on being a marine first, recon marine second. The professionalism was built off the backs of previous warfighters who helped move this country forward, and they were MARINES! When it comes to war, the enemy cares less about your occupation. You are wearing the uniform of the enemy. They want you dead, your heart, and what your heart believes in.
I believe most of our enemies have hearts, at least the ones I fought, but live to a different set of standards. Leaving those infected by our professionalism to fend for themselves. Lacking the energy and power to keep fighting.
Professionalism is all heart. It's what keeps us alive. It is what allows us to maintain our power. My professionalism relies heavily on my heart. We only have one heart, yet carry many identities. We have to continue recognizing that our professionalism is tethered to our hearts. It will give you the power to perform the impossible in impossible situations.
——
A letter to the men and women on the battlefield
Don't forget the history you've come. Remember those who went before us and the shoulders of giants you stand upon.
Perform your job to the highest standard and hold it to the highest regard. Keep your head on a swivel. Take care of the men and women to the left and right of you with all your heart.
It will only foster others to do the same for you. It's the process, not the end state, that leads to fulfillment.
Stay anchored and stay dangerous.
Many of Us
Withdrawing from War
Honestly, until recently, I’ve had only a few words formulated about the troop withdrawal from Afghanistan. Maybe it has something to do with how it has affected my life and who I am today.
I type these words with a heavy heart, seeing the curse not only infect me but infect many of us. I feel like most of us are ready to strap it back on and put the fight to the Taliban, inject war into our veins to not feel this withdrawal. For many of us, we know how they fight, understand their tactics, and know what they can do if not controlled and put into their place.
For many of us, it was a curse to step foot onto Taliban soil. It becomes a death wish for many of us who experienced what the Taliban had to offer. War is not fair people will die. There is no pleading with the Taliban. Many of us found that out the hard way. Many of us felt the aftermath of fighting against the Taliban many years later. While many are still fighting that war internally today. And now, some of us are about to embark on the power of the Taliban for the first time. We might be withdrawing, but in more ways than one, we are all still there.
I am not sure where I am going with all of this. Maybe this is my way of stopping the bleeding that I am feeling come from the inside out. Recognizing this internal wound has taken a lot of work by breaking the curse of the Taliban, a curse many of us have had to destroy as we returned. A curse I feel is taking over slowly. The darkness creeping in, the power of rage and anger filling my veins as though I took a hit of heroin, feeding the addict I once was.
Many of us have lost brothers and sisters to this war. The way the Taliban regaining control is another internal wound many of us have to carry. One that never stops bleeding, a slow drip closer to death. The Taliban bare no rules. They have no left or right lateral limits when it comes to fighting for what they believe in. They are no different then many of us. Filling hearts and minds with beliefs, morals, and values that align their world with surviving, much like many of us. All they know is war, a war that has no end.
Many of us carry the knowledge and skillsets to share with our future warfighters. Many of us might not be fighting next to our brothers and sisters anymore, but we can help prepare them for what is to come. There is a reason many of us are alive today… to share the experiences and lessons we once learned from the Taliban.
Ultimately, we all are addicts experiencing withdrawals from war. You’re not alone; we are not alone. This is the time to lean into each other and help one another get through this withdrawal; create the closure our souls deserve.
Photograph Gallery - Red Butte Garden
Photos taken with Canon Rebel T5i / 50mm 1:18 STM Lens
Wonder and Rigor
Helping individuals meet specific goals and reach their full potential happens at a deeper level than simply reps and sets, progressions, and micro-stressors. We know that training elicits biological responses to break down, repair, and recover. I look at the brain as I do the heart. Though differing wildly in function, both are still organs. Our brains need a balance of hard work (rigor) and autonomy (wonder) to recover and regenerate. The rigor is easy; most athletes will generate enough rigor to adapt. As a coach, the difficulty is the autonomy.
The majority of athletes are stuck in the rigorous mindset of training super hard and very minimal recovery. How do we create this mindset of balancing training outside of spreadsheets and apps?
“By engaging in conversation with athletes about the necessity of the second half of the equation, the wondering mindset, is essential in balancing those with a mindset consistently stuck in the pursuit of rigor.”
For our brain to function optimally, we need to navigate and satisfy all aspects of the mind. Learning how to navigate the wondering mindset during a training block or week is not easy. It takes a lot of discipline on the part of the athlete. The athlete must adjust training to fit his lifestyle. Accomplishing a feat as such is what aids the athlete in becoming increasingly stronger, faster, and durable, rather than weak, slow, and injured. Leaving them at higher risk of disease and death. I seek to maximize the brain by bringing it to peak, lingering to the breaking point and scaling back to induce adaptation, much like I would the heart.
When an athlete adjusts training demands to fit their lifestyle, that individual gives the brain time to wonder, avoiding over-stressing the nervous system and the function of the brain. This is a special moment. The athlete accepts, finally, the need for a balance of rigor and wonder. The wonder mindset is similar to a regeneration physical training session or a deload week, giving us a step back to take two forward. Options are abundant; maybe, you go camping with friends, or read a book, or write creatively, or simply contemplating the things which fuel your fire. This multi-faceted approach will benefit our brain function and increase our capacity for mental stress ever after.
Now, this approach isn't new. This idea was taken from the business world. Author Natalie Nixon wrote about the concept of wonder and rigor in her book called “The Creativity Leap.” Giving fortune 500 companies and other businesses that applied the wonder and rigor mindset into their occupations improved the individuals' consistency in balancing personal and professional demands.
I was introduced to this concept by my friend Michael last year.
One evening, late into the zero hundred hours on September 11th, 2020, I had come out of a brutal deep meditation, one which I am still processing. It replays over and over like one of my favorite Netflix shows. But never does it ask me if I am tired of watching.
Sitting upright next to Michael, I turn to him with an unpleasant smirk.
I simply ask, "Why are people so fucking happy?”He laughs, turns to the group of people enjoying the potluck of food. The room was slightly dark with splashes of light from the kitchen oven. The smell of bone broth was coming from the kitchen that his wife Erin made for the group.
"They choose to be," he says with a slight grin.
At that moment, he continues on and flows the conversation into the idea of wonder and rigor. He runs over this concept that he found. He says to me, “the mind needs to wonder."
He proceeds, "We live in a world that is unbalanced by too much rigor or wonder, not enough of the two mixed together."
He points out two types of individuals, one that is driven by rigor and the other that is driven by wander.
He says, "Too much rigor and not enough wonder you are met with resistance. Too much wander and not enough rigor there is no resistance."
I needed to hear this. It was something that I needed to understand more. Michael mentioned he found a video by Natiale Nixon on this idea. I wrote it down in my notepad laying next to me. Saving it for later to take a deep dive into this concept.
The past year has been a balance of chaos with rigor and wonder in all areas of my life. I haven't pushed this idea to many athletes. I am still fine-tuning implementation by creating conversation around wonder and rigor. Personally, I am finding an improvement in consistency and adherence with training. The ability to tolerate and manage stress, mentally and physically, is higher consistently. I am learning that to balance, navigate, and satisfy the mind. One must be willing to come in with open eyes and an open heart; Accepting this is the first step to recognizing that living is an act of hope.
Growing Pains
As humans, we either fight over dwindling resources or get creative to make more resources. This is how our biology is wired to work. It needs either more of a resource or less of that resource to continue to live. The over-consumption of one resource creates a deficit in other resources that help us move through this endurance race of life.
Remember, external drivers are powerful. To use such power, you need to feel safe and secure. Your basic needs of food, water, clothing, shelter and security need to be fulfilled. Once these basic needs are being met, we have the power to turn our external drivers into internal drivers. Fueling us to chase autonomy, curiosity, passion, meaning and purpose.
What I am finding is these two drivers are one. Internal and external drivers need to be blended together. Often times, by separating the two drivers, we lose the power of what they can do together. Pairing them together creates a formula for harnessing happiness.
Our motivation to accomplish greatness in our life must not be solely seen through what the world wants. It needs to be seen through what it is you need. Stop playing the finite game and start playing the infinite game. You might find a whole new world.
Always One More Step
Here is a piece from a writing I did last night. As I have learned and found through action. Writing helps move energy and open doors to rooms in my big mind. To recollections of the past to help the future.
“ I find myself feeling grateful to have these experiences. To share the stories and lessons of what I learned during such a tumultuous and rigorous time in my life.
War is infectious. It darkens your soul. The longer you’re exposed to war, the more your humanity is sucked from your soul… much like a tick on a dog.
It takes away from who you used to be or want to be. And in the same light, working to regain our humanity is much like war.
You will face the unknown and expose yourself to elements that you couldn't prepare for.
As I walk through the shadows of death. It offered me a contrast and the fuel to live. Remembering to always take one more step no matter the circumstances.”
GB3
What Scares Me
At times I've shouted out unprovoked with anger in hopes to be heard. Yet, my vocal cords are no longer a part of me. It scares me and has me questioning everyone around me. Leaving the question, will I be heard when I need help?
Are we all acting and fighting to keep our heads up but forgetting where our heart is? I tend to think this is an act to hide the emotional cues from a script that isn't mine. A script that I don't want to read anymore. The words within the writing filled with skeletons I have buried away.
Taking our life only leaves us questioning more. With a world stacked against us, it doesn't mean we are falling behind. It means we are living. As souls living in a human experience, we are running out of time; we lose seconds on living life. Yet, bad days are the main drivers of our sadness and sickness that drowns us from the inside out.
I can feel the heartache carried by those who are effect from such destruction. I use to think destruction was routine and part of life. Till I learned to hold destruction in my heart, packing it away from everyone and anyone to see. Slowly burning the pages of a script that no longer consumes me.
Maybe I feel too much, perhaps I feel nothing, and it is an act. These feelings make me question what I love and lust for within this world. Plastered in the blood of those who have taken their lives. Leaving me question, have we forgotten the best moments of life framed deep within our hearts?
Burying your nails in your heart provides comfort in moments that feel will never end. By clinching to such force we gain ability to push our hearts outward or inward. Regaining a part of our humanity to fight back and live life against a time that isn't real.
Yet, am I thinking about it way too much and leaving it closer to me than I want it to be. Learning how to respond than react to such sickness that has consumed more people in my life than I am proud to say. I want to believe that this life will get better. I want to know if this is all the love I got or more to be found.
The truth was sorrow is all I wrote into that script. For the longest time, I wouldn't face it. But then, I found this script is mine, and I can write about anything I want. Ridding myself of the sickness that consumes everyone around me.
Suffocation of My Heart and Mind
I planned to sit and start working through the next chapter during the rewriting phase for a project I am working on. However, as I read the chapter, I didn’t have the heart to put forth the effort I knew it deserves.
Instead, my mind raced as if I was running short of oxygen from being strangled by my own resistances. Since starting this journey, learning to break the suffocation of writer’s block has been my process.
Cutting the ties of resistance to my writing gives me the chance to regain oxygen to my heart and mind. Finding that my heart is the driver, and my mind is the measurement. Working through writer’s block provides evidence that the path of least resistance is not always the answer.
Learning how to write and share what is in my heart is challenging and has taken observance of my emotions, thoughts, and feelings from different observational perspectives. In essence, it’s involved a separation from the ego itself and entirely investing into the notion of ”I am.”
Writing is hard, painful, and frequently strips you of who you are to the bone. And yet, a simple task like writing holds the most complex transitions. You’re taking thoughts, feelings, and emotions and turning them into words striking the reader’s soul forever. Throughout my writing process, I’ve felt more than I could ever imagine. Writing increases my oxidative efficiency through providing the necessary energy to no longer suffocate me during my writer’s block—effectively dumping the CO2 that creates the dysfunction between the ego and self.
In case the point wasn’t clear. To get through writers block you must keep writing.
Much like Life.
For Those Who Are Always Beside Us
In the reconnaissance community, there is a sense of pride and ownership that's buried deep into your heart as we earn the title Recon Marine. And when we separate from the community, one feeling that many of us tend to lose touch of is that sense of pride. The reconnaissance community stands on top of the shoulder of giants and are some of the deadliest warriors to walk the world around us today.
For a while, after I left the military, I found myself lost and forgetting the words of recon creed that I had been binned to for many years. There is a power of faith in those words that ran deep inside every Recon Marine. A type of faith that was developed by our own actions as we took steps to become a Recon Marine.
I have lost a handful of brothers throughout my time in the military and after as well. Just as we all have during these two to three decades of war that our country's been battling. The past six years have been a whirlwind of experiences, from super dark ones to some of the brightest ones I won't ever forget. Yet, for the longest time, the darker experiences seemed to desensitize life around me.
In November, I had a fellow recon brother reach out requesting assistance to prep for The Best Ranger Competition in 2021. Josh and I knew each other through another recon brother I had been working with for a few years. He ran the recon challenge with Gabe in 2019, and they've worked together throughout each other's military careers. Gabe is a mutant with an impressive resume of accomplishments in his career thus far as a Recon Marine. I had known both of these warriors, but I didn't realize how deep-rooted that reconnaissance creed was for Gabe and Josh. Carrying that shield with honor, they both used it in times of pain, misery, and suffering.
Gabe was going to be running the Recon Challenge with a fellow veteran recon marine named Scott Gardner. Scott had been out now for some time but was still connected within the community. Scott was the oldest (I mean wisest), Recon Marine, to complete the Recon Challenge in 2021 with Gabe. Scott changed his lifestyle to train for this event. As he also understood that being a Recon Marine, you accept all challenges involved with this profession.
Having Gabe run with Scott left Josh solo, and unsure if he would run the Recon Challenge. But, running it was not about the competition itself. It had everything to do with being around his fellow recon brothers and honoring his fallen brothers. Once Josh found out that Gabe was running with Scott, he reached out to fellow recon brothers; yet, everyone he contacted couldn't make it.
About 5 weeks out from the event, Josh calls asking if I could run the challenge. I think it went something like this: "Hey bro, you want to run the challenge?" My first response was, "I am can’t. They aren't letting civilians run." He goes, "Nope, they just got the wavier signed, and they are letting prior 0321s run it." At first, my heart started to race… palms started to tap the desk. I had no way of saying, let me think about it or saying, "no, I can't make it." My response was, "I haven't touched a ruck in forever, and it is in less than 5 weeks." Josh's response was simple and packed a powerful punch: "You're a recon marine. You can do anything."
I had only run a total of 20 miles in March and very few in the months prior to that. Yet, I had been staying active with strength training 2-3 times a week, swimming, hiking, biking, and easy jogs. Once I found out that I was cleared to compete, training went from coasting to dropping the hammer the first week. I knew that I had to get my body use to moving with a heavy load for more than 8+ hours. I ran it back in 2012-13, and my partner and I pushed for a good 11 hours, ultimately taking 5th that year. I hadn't touched such skills that I had once known as the back of my hand in years. But, I knew that exceeding beyond limits set down by others would be my goal.
It dawned on me that this was not unique in our community. Josh assigned me a task, a mission, or whatever we want to call it. I knew deep in my heart that this is what I wanted to be doing. I needed something to fuel the fire deep inside my soul, pushing me out of my current comfort zone. In reality, it was precisely what I needed. The flow of everything became fluid with the ups and downs of life. It was beautiful and all worth it deep down in my heart. I found a place within my soul that had not been explored in some years. Leaving the military, I hadn't felt the same as I had in the past. I take accountability for my clouded view of my experiences as a Recon Marine. I stepped away from a community that kept me alive, enabling the best version of myself. I turned away from a place that provided blood to my heart.
The energy during the week of the challenge was quite mellow for Josh and me. He was still recovering mentally from the best ranger challenge, where he took 2nd with his partner. We both were unsure how we would respond on the day of the event. We both agreed that this wasn't about our placing. This was about our fallen brothers, and we would finish the event no matter what. Carrying our fellow recon brother’s dog tag meant that there was no such thing as failure. Failure was not an option for us. This would stand true even if that meant we came in dead last. Our motivation was not to place in the top three. Our inspiration was different. My motivation and inspiration went deeper than wearing a ruck and running through the mountains of Camp Pendleton again. No, this was a rebirth for me. I have had a rough time to this point in my transition from active duty to the civilian world.
Everything hit me at once as I was finning. The morning was one of a kind, and words won’t do it justice. The energy that came from the sunrise was uplifting and gave me tremendous respect for my life at that moment. The sky had these layers of oranges, yellows, and reds. It gave the mountains a contrast of darkness. The brightness of these colors outlines the mountain range I was about to run through. Within the first 3 miles of the event, I looked over to Josh and said, "What I am about to say will get deep fast," and then I followed it up with, "I am thrilled that I never put that bullet in my head man." He was a bit shocked I went that route. He followed it up with, "That went deep fast, brother." At that moment, he looked over to me and said, "to get rid of pain, you must put yourself in pain."
As time went by, we had been working all day, staying on top of nutrition and hydration, ultimately managing the heat of the day. The goal was to have the energy on the back end to finish strong. We knew that everyone would come out hot on the front end, and once those back end miles hit, things would start to slow down for many teams. We broke the race down into 3 parts: composed, consistent, compete. Josh and I held each other accountable for these phases of the race. He kept to his words as I kept to mine.
Our efforts of finishing 3rd place were not because we were fit individuals. It was far deeper than that. Our efforts were for those who are no longer with us, remembering that being a recon marine is not only a profession but rather a lifestyle.
Never above you.
Never below you.
Always beside you.
Mental Imagery is Magic
Recently, I was asked to run the recon challenge with a brother of mine. It is five weeks away and I needed to be able to perform specific skills underwater and other military related skills under fatigue. I had planned for underwater breath-holds after a decent warm up in the pool. Prior to getting into the pool that morning, I had a conversation with a mentor and we had started to go over some of the skills that I had to sharpen for the following event coming up. While I was warming up, I thought to myself that there was no better time to start running through mental practices of how to disassemble a 240g machine gun on a breathe hold.
I started to run through the steps in my head, then my hands followed, and next thing I know... I am seeing the weapon system in front of me as if it were real. I went through a few different drills with this approach from putting it back together and taking it apart in my head. I was also going to have to relearn a few different knots that were going to be conducted underwater. By practicing those different skills in my head and not having the tools directly in front of me, it allowed me to gain confidence to perform such skill under stress when it is time to perform.
By working with an array of different types of athletes from the tactical profressional community to general fitness goers, I have found that even providing these small psychological methods to help improve their ability to manage stress has been massive. As stated in literature, there needs to be a complete buy-in for it to work. It's kind of like doing magic, if you think about it. Everyone seems to be focused on the outcomes, but the magic is in the process, the trick itself. The same thing happens with mental imagery. Developing different courses of action increases our ability to own the clock under fatigue. Imagery is one of the most powerful exposures we can do for ourselves in enhancing performance and allowing us to excel beyond the task at hand.
Tactical Pause in Life
During a reconnaissance patrol, teams often come across dangerous areas. This area is known to be highly exposed and increases our chances of being seen by the enemy. The standard operating produce we use is security halts. These brief periods offer the team a chance to regroup before entering their positions as the team crosses into the danger area. The point man does his best to avoid dangerous areas when conducting route planning and navigation. But with the nature of these missions, they can be found unexpectedly.
Moving as a team through a dangerous area is a beautiful thing to be a part of. Especially during the night, minimizing the noise level as a team means limited to no transmission through the radios. Each patrol member has the skills to communicate. Using hand-arm signals, IR signaling that sync everyone up like a beautiful symphony. That security halt allowed the team to get their wits about them as they moved into the next task.
As of late, I have been diving back into these memories. I am taking my time and looking at how those skills learned and used in my patrols can carry over to my day-to-day. I have started to treat each day like it is a patrol. We had the skills and tools to handle potentially hostile environments, such as security halts or tactical pauses, to reorientate the team for dangerous areas such as the battlefields in Afghanistan.
Tactical pauses and security halts in my everyday life today are quick 5-10 minute check-ins with my inner-reality as I transition through from my day-to-day task. I am finding that task completions are not what I solely desire. No, it’s much different. I crave the effort that goes into mission after mission, patrol after patrol.
The sense of awareness moving through these dangerous areas was not always extreme. But, it was enough to remain vigilant and manage my survival instincts. And I am not implying that every task ahead is a dangerous area. But, I found that using this tactical pause in my everyday life translates into this — I am no longer conducting reconnaissance on the battlefield. I am currently conducting reconnaissance on my internal self.
The Joint by Joint Approach
Over the years, working with the tactical professional and general population, my perspective has shifted on movement. The joint by the joint approach has become a way to assess an individual's health as a whole. Mike Boyle and Gray Cook developed the joint by joint approach to categorize how joints function from a singular movement system to a multifaceted movement system. Educating ourselves on how our body moves is largely important to our health, promoting longevity and potential shortcomings as pain, injury, and movement function as we age.
Foot (Stability) - The foot is our foundation. Ideally, most athletes have minimal motor control, which tends to lower the capacity of stress the foot can handle.
Ankle (Mobility) - The ankle tends to be a joint that needs a lot of movement; Therefore, developing mobility, stability, and strength is ideal for having optimal performance in all aspects of the movement.
Knee (Stability) - The knee is a joint that tends to get real sloppy. We must work in multiple planes of motion to help create/develop the stability, strength, and motor control needed to withstand our everyday life's rigors.
Hip (Mobility/Stability) - The hip is a joint that prompts an everyday range of motion: extension/flexion, medial, and lateral rotation. We tend to see a lack of motor control in the hips and overuse of the lumbar spine.
Lumbar Spine (Stability) - The lumbar is a joint that we tend to see greater stress mechanically. When we lose motor control, we see two things happen: sloppiness and stiffness.
Thoracic Spine (Mobility) - The thoracic is a joint that allows the spine to extend and flex while under stress. This area has the ability to decrease performance due to poor posture, which leads to a decrease in oxygen consumption.
Cervical Spine/Shoulder Scap (Mobility/Stability) - These two areas tend to create stiffness and sloppiness over time due to lack of range of motion and strength in these joints.
Each of these joints offers a specific attribute but ultimately, the joint needs three characteristics -- mobility, stability, and strength. There could be an argument on which characteristics are most important, which doesn't truly matter. Mobility, stability, and strength play a vital role in how the athlete's movement literacy. Movement literacy can be broken into three parts; isolation, integration, innovation to improve skill acquisition, and motor control. Giving the athlete the ability to run, jump, catch, kick and throw with agility, balance, and coordination safely to lower the risk of pain, injury, and movement dysfunction to their environment.
Accessing an athlete health isn't just looking at numbers on a screen or other biofeedback wearables. Simple taking a deep dive into the athlete's movement literacy can be another tool that gives you insight into how healthy the individual can.
Check out https://www.gb3athletics.com/ to learn more.
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